coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
