Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
