There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
