One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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