the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
NoShamevember. You game?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
