Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
