I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
