Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
When did angry sex become our thing?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
