no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
