while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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