dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
