That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
