I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
