Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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