Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
