I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize