i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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