apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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