I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
