i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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