OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
