Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
