As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
