Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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