Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize