A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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