I wish I could teleport
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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