The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
