This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
