Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize