wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
