I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
