in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I FOUND THE LEGS
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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