I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
