note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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