saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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