I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
