OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
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