i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
