Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
