How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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