I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
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