I wish I could teleport
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize