Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
