I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I think weed is turning my hair brown
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
