Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He has the fingertips of a God
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