Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
