I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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