well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
