You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
