New low: just hacked my moms facebook
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
