Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
