Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize