DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
