the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
