I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Bring me that man meat
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
