every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
