theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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