May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
cat food counts as protein by the way
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
