FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
