WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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