I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
