trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Randomize
