i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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