I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The feeling are messing with the penis
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
