I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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