I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
