rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
