I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
